again..my last last post, i was hoping that February would be nice to me..February would bring good news to me..ya, utk mggu pertama, it was okay..but then, it's getting worst..and make me cry again and again..tak ubah macam February 2011, which is last year..bulan paling banyak buat aku nangis..same thing goes with this year,with the same month..cuma hal je yg berbeza.. :'( takpe..dugaan dari Allah S.W.T..
the most thing yg buat aku sangat2 sedih is, i am not continuing my study..yes, i am..sebab paling utama, keadaan mak yang kurang memuaskan..dan dengan keadaan dia tu, aku HARUS ada disisi dia, all the time..so, i decide that aku cancel the offer..dah called pihak HEP uitm sabah, dah maklumkan kat diorang..saat aku buat keputusan tu, i was so sad..sangat2 sedih..i cried, almost all the time, for 3 days..aku terpaksa.kalau boleh, sayang nak lepaskan peluang yg terbukak luas..sambung study for at least sampai degree, is my impian dari kecik, dari aku sekolah rendah..sebab tengok sepupu2 aku time tu berjaya sampai degree, aku pun nak ikut mcm diorg..habis spm, i wait for almost a year sebelum dapat offer sambung Pre-Science..in biology major..my cousins yg dah lama abis study smpai degree semua tu and yg dah dpt keja yg bagus2, they ask me, am i sure nak still sambung in sciences stream..dan aku fikir, time apply, ada 4 choices utk course..and Pre-Science is my third choices..kalau dah aku di offer utk course yg berada in my third choices, then mmg aku ditakdirkan lah utk ambik aliran tu..then setahun, in Pre-Science..sambung in Diploma..and 3 tahun berlalu, dah successfully tamat in Diploma, and i really can't wait nak sambung Degree..almost nak capai dah impian tu..almost..but now, i have to let go..let go that opportunity..i was really really sad..this is what happened bila jadi anak tunggal..people might think aku anak manja, ape nak semua dapat..no, i am not that kind of anak tunggal..jadi anak tunggal, semua tanggungjawab akan atas bahu aku sorg je..bila umur makin meningkat, makin berat rasa bahu..org mungkin takkan faham apa aku rasa..tp Allah S.W.T faham segalanya..demi mak, nyawa pun aku sanggup gadai..even sedih, tp i have to face it..bukan rezeki aku kot..maybe kelak, akan ada peluang yg lebeh baik dr ni..mane tau kan..ada hikmah di sebalik semua ni.. Allah knows best..Dia dah menentukan semua nya..aku sebagai manusia hanya mampu merancang je..for now, tgh carik keja..dalam masa yg sama, try apply UniMaS..kalau dpt kat situ senang lah..boleh balik rumah everyday..dlm masa yg sama akan ada disisi mak, all the time..InsyaAllah..dlm perancangan.. :') iloveyousomuch, mak..hope mak cepat sihat.. :')
time susah mcm ni, kta akan dapat tengok who real family, and who not..also, who real friends, and who not..syukur buat masa sekarang, best friends time senang, pun ade time susah..Alhamdulilah..diorang non stop bagi semangat kat aku, suruh aku jadi kuat..for now, i am strong enough..but i don't know, sooner or later.. :) really can't wait utk bulan May..it's my convocation, for diploma..for sure, my mak akan ikut..and my uncle auntie cousins..diorg semua pun nak ikut..maybe taknak bagi aku sedih lagi, sbb tak continue degree..so diorang nak buat convocation diploma aku adalah sangattt berharga..huhu.. appreciate sangat2.. :') mana tau nnti aku dpt UniMaS, konvo degree, semuaaa org boleh attend...hehe..Amin,InsyaAllah.. :) btw, time bulan May nnti, nak stay lama cket kat Shah Alam..sebab lepas ni aku akan sangattt jaranggg pegi sana dah..and i'm going to miss it.. :')
really thank you to Vane and Miems, for today..bawak me klua..lepak-ing kat The Spring..setakat minum2 and cakap2..and gelak2..hee..then pegi Emart jap beli ikan ayam sayur...anak dara mithali, beli brg basah utk masak..dah boleh jadi isteri..ngee.. xD
thank you so much, sayangs.! for the day.! :D actually plan sebenar is lain..tp atas sebab2 teknikal yg tak dapat dielak, plan tu berubah..with Vane yg sebok taking care of her sister yg sarat pregnant tggu masa nak give a birth je lagi..and Miems yg busy jadi anak mak tlg mak buat itu ini kat rumah n susah nak klua..and me, yg busy with my mom yg unwell and dah takde masa utk diri sendiri..tapi kteorg still try carik masa terluang sekejap and meet up..Sel pun dah lama aku tak jumpa..Siti.? kdg2 plan tiba2 pun kteorg bley jumpa..maklumlah rumah dah dekat..hihi..InsyaAllah kalau ade masa jumpa lagi.. :D loveyouboth.!
p/s : Kesedihan bukanlah krna diri kita tidak disayangi,bknlah disebabkan kita dibenci, tapi itulah cara Allah SWT mengampunkan dosa2 kita.. :')
