obstacle..

no one knows how it feels..they just fikir yg ala benda biasa..well, aku mmg nmpk mcm biasa..and i was there when people needs me..but back then, when i need people to help me, bukan setakat batang hidong, bekas tapak kaki pun tak nampak..when i think back, brapa byk sacrifice yg aku buat, tp just mcm tu je lah..yeah, buat baik sgt pun susah..karang jadi jahat semuaaaaa nak kutuk, semuaaaaa nak fitnah, semuaaaaa nak cakap blakang..tak kira ahli keluarga sendiri atau org luar..sigh..takpa..Allah s.w.t akan sentiasa menguji hamba-Nya..nak tengok setakat mana kekuatan dan kesabaran..setakat ni, Alhamdulilah aku kuat..

mak..mak sakit..tak tahu sakit apa..dah cek kat klinik..cek darah, blood pressure and everything..but the doctors said she's fine..maybe salah mkn ubat..then dah tukar ubat, ok kejap..but then, jd balik..ya Allah..what is actually happen to my mom..? dah berubat with perubatan Islam..then, jd okay..lepas tu, jadi balik..now getting worst..dia makin kurus..she looks pale..n always baring je..i'm scared..i'm scared if anything happen..she is my everything..she is my life..don't took her from me, ya Allah..dia lah satu2 nya yg aku ada kat dunia ni..tolong, jauhkan segala penyakit dari dia..bagi lah dia kesihatan yang baik, mcm dulu..bagi lah aku peluang utk menyara hidup dia..bagi lah peluang utk dia tgk aku berkahwin n bagi cucu yg banyak mcm yg dia slalu cakap..bagi lah aku jaga dia..bagi lah dia peluang utk dia hadir konvokesyen ijazah sarjana muda aku, bukan diploma..bagi aku peluang utk balas segala yg dia dah korbankan sepanjang membesarkan aku..i still need her..i need her, more than anything.. :'(

i cry, again..for don't know how many time..lepas satu, satu Allah bagi dugaan..but i know, things happen for a reason..mak cakap, Allah sayang kte, sbb tu dia bagi dugaan..kte kena sama2 jadi kuat.. :')
and tadi, mak nangis..dia ingat aku tak nmpk..tp aku tahu..people ignore us..people anggap kteorg mcm burden..people ingat mak aku sakit biasa2..people ingat mak aku pura2..people really2 sambil lewa psl dia..especially, her own siblings..sigh..it's okay, mak..i'm here..i am ur one n only daughter..and i will take care of u, till my last breathe..aku tak kisah kalau aku terpaksa drive ke sana ke mari sbb nak ubatkan mak..aku tak kisah korbankan masa utk mak..aku tak kisah dah..janji mak sihat balik..

n now, dah hari ke-2 mak kat kpg..and mak suruh aku jaga rumah, jgn biar rumah kosong buat masa ni..mlm pertama sorg2 kat rumah, kepala otak ingat kat mak..then aku nangis..dah ajak kwn tidur skali, because i really really need someone kat sisi aku, bagi semangat at least..tapi.........takpelah..semua org ada hal masing2..bukan setakat melayan aku je..it's okay..aku kuat.. :') and aku ni mmg jenis ssh nak tido..now tido sorg2 kat umah, lagi la susah nak lelap kan mata..dekat nak subuh baru tido..and dah tido, i dream about my nenek..nenek ckp (tnpa bukak mulut), org time senang semua ada, tp bila time kta susah, sorg pun takda. dila kena kuat k..demi mak..bawak byk bersabar..then i woke up..Alfatihah for nenek..belom smpai sejam pun tido, dah bgn balik..n nangis..nek, how i wish u still here..i miss you, nenek..really miss you.. :'( but, dila akan simpan kata2 nenek..i will be strong..for mom..insya'Allah.. :')

p/s : no matter what, no matter how, i will always be strong..till the end of my life..for you, mom..i love you, more than anything..only Allah knows everything.. :)

heartfeelings

dah over 2 weeks tak update blog..uhu..bukan malas, tp tired..mggu lepas, everyday driving..eh, bukan setakat everyday, every hour..singgah satu tmpt then buat keja then drive n pegi tmpt lain..and seterusnya..ambik mak keja..then singgah beli ayam sayur..balik masak..kemas rumah..basuh baju..then drive lagi..semua kena kejar masa..time pass by so fast kan..akhir zaman, biase lah.. :)

btw..dah dapat hadiah graduation..teehee..tq so much mak & ayah..mak ckp sorry tak dpt bagi ipad..insyaAllah nnti dah abes degree..aiyoo..mak..pernah ke saye mntk itu ipad.?.tak pernah..dulu mak suruh pilih nak blackberry or galaxy tab kan..so i choose blackberry bcoz blackberry lebih murah dr galaxy tab..tak pernah pun sebut ipad, mak.. =.=" tp saye xde paksa2 kan..just terima je ape2 mak bagi..at last, mak & ayah bagi samsung galaxy..bukan galaxy tab..tp kluarga galaxy jugak..tu pun saye dah appreciate sgt2, mak ayah..pandai gak mak pilih..operating system dia Android, which is lebih byk kelebihan dr blackberry or ipad or iphone or ovi..Android lagi banyakkkkk application..ade whatsapp dah and viber (free call & msg just for android)..BBM, tu kelebihan blackberry..tp since kwn2 aku x byk pakai BB, better android kan..sbb whatsapp boleh chat dgn semuaaaa smartphone..and fyi, i online all the time, 24/7..hee..yeayy..sayang mak, sayang ayah..epp.! it doesn't mean aku sayang diorg time diorang bagi HARTA BENDA je..aku sayang diorang all the time.. :) thanks for this cute galaxy colour putih+pink..love the combination of color..saye janji.akan jaga sampai saye dah keja nnti..insyaAllah umur panjang..so bila dah keja, bagi duit kat mak ayah je..n for myself..so boleh lah beli ape yg saye nak..bak kata Miems, ipaid..muahahaha...

maseh belom too late kan nak wish Happy Chinese New Year to those who celebrate it..aku ade 2 bestfriend yg celebrate it.. Ubey & May2..nak g rumah Ubey, tp dia kat KL..celebrate kat sana..huhu..so, just 'ngabang' ke rumah May2..dah plan cantek punye with Miems..dr semggu sebelum CNY..hahaha...me, Miems, Vane, Ejad, Kevin & Siti make our way to May2's house..Sel tak dpt join sbb she 'ngabang' with her mom.hee.lepas zohor dah gerak..kesian May2, abes makanan sbb kteorg serang.muahahaha.. start pukul 2 smpai pukul 5 dok rumah May2 je..thats the reason why air Ribena sebotol besau abes, kacang abes, oren pun abes sekotak (kidding)..hee..tu pun tak cukup kenyang lagi..then semua setuju nak g The Spring (dah xde tempat lain.x sabo nk tggu Summer n GSC bukak)..tp Siti tak join..so hantar dia balik dulu..so sad dia tak join..uhuk.. ~ sampai Spring, perghh..ramai gak manusia..ingatkan takde org..cramp kaki tekan brek cari parking pusing basement ntah brape kali ntah..almost half an hour, baru jumpa parking..aiyaaa..then we r heading to Food Bazaar..yeahh..makannnnn...sambil bergosipsss..muahahaha..lamaaaa sangat dah tak jumpa diorang..slalu contact thru Facebook je..now dah face to face, ancus saliva bertaburan merata2..muahahahha.. xD then tgh dok makan, ade la sekumpulan org melayu dok meja sblah kteorg..family kot..maybe adik bradik..aku plak ternganga tengok ape diorg buat..diorg buat ape.? masing2 kluakan ipad, blackberry, iphone n segala i lah..perghh..kaya nmpk..tu la org melayu.. :) ipad bukan satu je atas meja diorg tu okayyy...ade EMPAT..lebih specific, EMPAT (4) ipad atas meja..n also letak phone diorg yg MAHAL (konon) atas meja..yg pelik, satu makanan pun takde atas meja..air ade, tu pun SATU je..share semua..perghh..duit dah abes ke abg kakak beli ipad sampai empat bijik tu ?..agak2 la kalau nak show off pun..setakat satu ipad aku boleh gak terima..ni sampai empat dah tu showoff plak phone diorg atas meja..ish3..kang org jeling, diorg ckp org jealous..tp sbnrnya diorg tak tahu sbnrnye org INGGA tgk ape diorg buat..showoff lebeh..ptuihh..bak kata mak aku,diorg tu pakai kad kredit je lebeh, mcm time kat celcom the day b4,mostly org yg beli iphone 4S n galaxy tab n ipad tu pakai kad kredit.n mak aku dgn hebat nye bagi kata2 sinis,"kte lagi kaya sbb kte beli phone kte n bayar bil pakai CASH..diorg LOAN je lebey..".haha..see..mak aku nmpk pendiam..tp skali dia klua ayat, perghh..menusuk jantung..muaahaha..ingat lah, harta benda dunia tak bawak ke mati..padahal kerana harta benda lah kta lebih dihitung amal kta kat dunia..beringat2 sebelum terlambat..nak berbelanja boleh, tapi jgn ikut kehendak je..agama melarang kta membazir n leka dgn duniawi..subhanallah..

haa..ni lagi satu hal..sebab harta manusia sorg ni berubah..aku tak kenal dia siapa..yg aku tau, dia adalah bekas tunang kwn kpd kwn aku (korg phm tak.? lantak lah..hee)..aku lgsg tak kenal dia, siapa dia, apetah lagi nak kenal perangai dia..tiba2 dia sedappp je menghina aku n kwn aku nih dlm Fb..ade satu gamba tu, gmba aku n kwn aku tu..kteorg mengaku, kteorg berbadan besar, tp tak lah besar gedabak smpai 100kg kan..then tgh syok2 kteorg berkomen kat photo tu, tiba2 lelaki ni nyampuk plak dah..nak kena sepuk gak kot..mengganggu ketenteraman awam..dia menyampuk ckp, bdn kteorg besau.kalo kteorg nak kurus boleh try produk dia..murah je.boleh adjust student price..nnti boleh jadi anggun cantek..perghh..ko nak jual brg guna ayat bagus cket tak leh ke.? perlu ke kau hina terus mcm tu.? aku rse sape2 pun akan terus reject produk yg kau jual..then aku balas dgn ayat yg sopan, aku ckp aku lebih suka berbadan besar..tkt nnti kalau dah slim anggun jd lupa diri..lgpun kteorg still student, still makbpk bagi duit..belom keja lagi..tq,btw..okay..kira dah sopan santun teratur kan ayat aku..skali dia reply da, panjanggg mampos buat karangan stpm dia kat situ daaa..cilake betul..ade ke dia ckp kteorg MALAS tak nak berusaha..kalau tak jg diri mcm mane nak buat ibadat..siap ckp dia nak g umrah next year..then ckp lagi yg sijil diploma/degree/master/phD kteorg takde makna..kteorg akan susah crik keja nnti..ckp kteorg EGO lah n blablabla..semua caci maki..hellow bhai..ko sape nak ckp kteorg mcm tu..? malas nak berusaha..? abes tu yg kteorg study skrang ni tu malas ke.? demi masa depan kteorg.? ko ckp baik2 cket..susah crik keja mmg setiap masa susah nak crik keja..aku dah merasa semua tu..last2 mak tak kasi aku keja sbb nak srh aku fokus kat study n dpt keja lgi bagus nnti.. jg diri buat ibadah.? abes tu org berbadan besar mmg tak leh buat ibadah ke.? ko tak kenal aku, jgn sukahati mulut kau je sebut..janji aku SIHAT n jaoh dr segala penyakit, n dpt buat ibadah..ingat org kurus takde penyakit ke hah.? bedebah..show off konon kau pegi umrah..perlu ke kau buat ibadah kau nak cakap kat semuaaaa org kat dunia..? kau pegi umrah pun sebab kau buat bisnes tu kan..tgk la jaoh sejengkal jarak umo kte, bhaii..kau ckp umur kau 31 kan.? kteorg mentah baru nak bertatih, still dlm usaha nak capai masa depan..tu kau ckp malas.? s***.! kau ckp bajet kau bagus sgt lah..kwn aku ckp, dulu kau lagi gemukkk kan..smpai semua org pulaukan kau..kan.?then lepas kau pakai HERBALIFE kau tu kau jd macho (tgn ke dada mata keatas)..kau dah tough (konon)..handsome (konon ptuiihh)..pastu dah kau berjaya dgn selamba ko hina org..ehhh bhaiii..Allah dah beri ko kesenangan bukan utk kau HINA org..kau ingat, sekarang kau kat atas melangit..nnti sekelip mata ALLAH tarik semua tu sampai kau jatuh tersembam mencium tanah, baru kau tau..aku tak doakan kau mcm tu la..tp setakat pesanan..aku yg tak kenal kau ag dah kau buat mcm tu, apetah lagi kat org lain..dgr citer gak, ko dok terkejar2 bekas tunang kau tu lepas kau putus kan dia..lepas ko buat dia mcm tunggul..ek.? perghh..betul2 menjilat balit ludah sendiri..mentang2 kakak tu dah berjaya..ko pun dah 'bajet' macho..serius shit, aku tak pernah jumpa lelaki mcm kau..kau buat FB tu mcm diary kau, stiap ape kau buat, kau tak puas hati, kau catat dlm tu..very the annoying u know..annoyyyy sangat2..dr sekecik zarah pun kau nak ckp dlm tu..i'm not in ur friend list, tp kwn aku tu la yg tunjuk semuaaaa...perghh..kelas kau nyahhh...kalah aku sbgi pompuan..bawak2 mengucap lah, bhaii..bwk sedar ckit..otak tu jgn sempit sgt..luaskan ckit otak tu..baru jd salesmen kau dah berlagak mcm tu..belom jadi CEO lagi kan..perghh..memang kelass kau nyahhh..moga Allah ampunkan dosa2 kau n ampunkan setiap kata2 dari mulut kau tu..sekian..

erghh..letih gila bab emo2 nih..haha..adios amigos..~

p/s : i can let go, i can forgive..i can move on but i will never stop loving you..mr.screen protector.. :))

hope..

first of all, assalamualaikumwarahmatullahhiwabarakatuh...
this entry was made at my auntie's house since i was depressed and feel a bit angry. And i crushed over my auntie's house because only her, the one and only of my auntie, that understand me well..thanks you so much, Mak Yak..i love you.. :')

most of my entry dah di delete..bak kata Mimah, bukan bersih 2.0, tapi bersih 2012..jyeahh.. :) from about 200++ post, tinggal jd 40++ post..dah dibersihkan..all post dr tahun 2009 till half of 2011, dah di buang..especially tahun 2009 & 2010..because takde sebab dah aku nak simpan, and semua gmba2 aku tak bertudung..bila baca balik pun ade sesetengah buat sakit hati, make me so annoy and mcm bodoh, padahal aku sendiri yg buat..maybe time tu tgh tak sedar diri lagi kot, and masih kebudak-budak kan.. :) lagipun, aku tak nak org tahu dah kisah2 lampau aku..i know, maybe ade yg suka korek2 crita aku, yg dengki n carik keburukan aku..and who knows, maybe my exes yg dulu2 ade baca..takpun my exes girl's baca, or exes of my exes..and whatever exes lahhh..tak kira lah ex-boyfriends ke, ex-friends ke, enemies ke..wallahualam lah kan..sbb aku tau, ade yg baca..dlm blog aku ade traffic, bukan traffic light, bukan traffic jam, or traffic police..yg ni blog traffic, which is akan appear sape yg baca post2 aku even yg 2 3 tahun yg lepas, cuma tak tahu who they are je.. so drpd aku biar post tu, baik delete..maybe ade jugak yg tak baca, so drpd jd sarang labah2 byk dlm post2 tu, buang je la kan.. :) Dear haters or who-ever-u-are, DON'T HATE ME UNTIL I GIVE YOU A REASON TO, AND DON'T JUDGE ME UNTIL YOU KNOW THE WHOLE STORY..TQ :)

HOPE.? sometimes i hate that word..sometimes, that word give me the most amazing feeling..but most of the time, that word breaks my heart.. :') and that word can make u feel like someone punch on ur chest and give the worst wound..it just like mcm, ur boyfriend say to u..eh.! no,no..ur boyfriend say to ur friends or ur bestfriends, or ur adik angkat or ur abg kakak angkat or ur brother sister and whoever person yg rapat with u.."i takkan lepaskan dia smpai bila2..i syg dia sgt2..Tuhan je yg boleh pisahkan kteorg..i takkan dua kan dia, i akan buat dia happy smpai akhir hayat..tak kira apa yg jadi, i mmg tak kan lepaskan dia..i nak nikah dgn dia one day nnti..and we will have a bunch of babies..our life will be more better..i syg dia lebih dr nyawa i sendiri.."...but then, few months later, u notify that he changes..dah tak mcm dulu..last2, kantoi ade perempuan lain..so, ape yg korg akan rase.? rse mcm dunia jd gelap kan.? after all the words siap ade name Tuhan lagi, and u trust them 100%..at last, tu yg dia bagi..'hadiah' paling bestttt skali..lelaki, biase lah kan..sorry to those yg terasa..sape makan garam, dia lah terasa masin..tp tak semua lelaki mcm tu..aku percaya, ade lelaki yg pegang kata2 dia..tp most of them, mcm ....................... :)
okay..tu slh satu example..another one is..emm..ape ekkk..aaa...ur parents, they divorce dah..and ur mom dpt hak penjagaan u..and okayy..dr kecik u wait for ur daddy to come back, u wish ur daddy ade kat sebelah u and membesar kan u just like others father..tp u bersyukur jugak ur dad ade dtg biarpun hanya twice in a year..and 1 day, some hope, bila ur daddy ckp,"ayah akan dtg time raya nnti..tggu k..kta smbut raya sma2"..but then, smpai la ke mlm raya, u tggu a call from ur daddy, sekurang2 nya, a text..u pegang fon tak lepas2..tp not even once pun dia text or call..and u cry dkt tepi jln sbb u really really really hope dia dtg..then tiba2 ur mom duduk tepi u ckp yg ur daddy ade call dia..daddy ckp, dia tak dpt dtg..sorry..what a simple word to say, just "Sorry"..and u nangis smpai bengkak mata..next day, hari raya..org lain happy, but u dgn mata yg bengkak n menahan sebal dlm hati..n ur mum and ur granny pujuk..smpai la u happy..and then, bila dah smpai satu peringkat in ur age, maybe around 16 or 17, u r a teenager, u realize, ur dad tak perlu u lagi..and berhenti berharap with everything about him..dlm hati maybe sgt2 sakit n sedih, watch ur cousins or ur friends have a complete family, ada ayah mak, siblings..tp demi ur own mak, u have to be strong..and u realize, it is fate..dah takdir Tuhan menentukan setiap kehidupan manusia..and how proud u are having a great mom, a mom yg sgt2 tabah dan kuat dlm facing every single obstacle, and how she struggling as hard as she can to raise u up, without anyone help..so people, syurga memang dibawah telapak kaki ibu.. :') bukan bwh telapak kaki  ur boyfriend or ur girlfriend..lain la for girls yg dah kahwin, ur husband is ur first priority..
p/s : no matter who u are and where u are, once u hurt my mom, smpai menyembah tanah aku jatuhkan kau..kalau aku sakit takpe, tp kalau kau sakitkan mak aku, phm2 lah..maybe aku tak dpt balas, tapi Allah S.W.T Maha Berkuasa.. :)

from now on, aku dah malas berharap..berharap dgn manusia lah..kalau berharap dgn Allah mintak tenangkan hati, mintak kesejahteraan hidup, insyaAllah Dia bagi..tp dgn manusia ni, aii..payah aku nak ckp..love.? love suck..ptuiih.! bak kat lagu omputih, "play with my heart, we got issue.."..yahh..lemas dah aku tok bah heh..lemasss..mun begerek tek kata2 dipegang x juak apa..tok kata2 umpama nya berak, taik nya di flush alu x nmpk2..yahh..bebual dah rasa nyawa ku tok..bebuallll.. =.="

got to go..bagus ku makan durian jak..toddles.!

hectic on last week of 2011 :)

last week of 2011, pheww..letih aku..everydayyy klua..hahaha..aku rase lah kan, bandar pun dah boring tengok muka aku.. :P

25th December 2011, on christmas day, agak busy..sebab anak pak cik depan rumah kawen..so rumah kteorg pun digunakan utk tetamu datang..and seriously, aku tengok abang tu duduk atas pelamin, rase sedih cket..sebab aku admirer dia sejak skolah lagi..muahahaha..tp takde lah obses sgt..just admirer cmtu2 je..hehe..then lepas majlis sanding tu, my family dtg serbu rumah..sbb diorg tau ade mknn lepas kenduri kat rumah kteorg..ngee..and everyone request aku masak spaghetti..so, bahan2 mmg dah sedia ada, then i have to masak..takpe, permintaan ramai..and tak sampai satu jam, spaghetti aku abes..*pelahap sungguh cousin2 aku especially Amy =.="*..then bila family semua dah balik, kemas rumah balik, bawak masuk kerusi2 n susun like usual..mak datok siyes bahu aku rase mcm nak patah..sbb dah terlebih aktif lepas minum redbull, aku tak sedar bahu aku still injured and dgn slumber aku angkat segala benda2 berat.. =.=" pastu malam menitis air mata sbb tahan sakit..sobsss..~

26th December 2011..pagi ade kenduri kawen *lagi*..kali ni org kampung punye majlis plak..tak lah busy sebab we r not part of the majlis..hahaha..hanya tetamu biasa..hee..then petang, pegi rumah auntie kat MJ..ade mkn2 cket..wihiii..sambil tengok citer antu,dvd je lah..best.! citer Dream House..actually, bukan citer antu sgt pun..it just about a guy, yg his wife and 2 org his daughter mati kena bunuh..and he's still can't accept the truth, dia still nampak wife n anak2 dia..seolah2 takde ape2 berlaku..n hidup happy dalam rumah..padahal, dlm rumah tu kosong, takde org langsung, n rumah buruk sbb takde org jaga..dia sorg je rase yg everything still perfect.smpai la kwn dia sedarkan dia balik n bagi tunjuk bukti2 yg wife n kids dia dah mati, dan dia just alone dlm rumah kosong tu..huhu..kesiannn sangat..boleh nampak betapa sayang nya dia kat wife dia n anak2 dia..aww...i wish i dpt husband mcm tu..aminnn :D

27th December 2011..jyeahhh..! i love this date..~ sbb i ade date..hehehe..with my best of best friend, Siti..! at last, kteorg melahap Sushi King dgn jaya nya..dan shoppinggg dengan hebat nya..hahaha..and i spend almost rm200 in just few hours..pheww..ampun mak, ampun ayah..sememangnya anak mu ini shopaholic..ngeh2..nak ckp aku beli brg2 mcm bag, baju, shoes etc, takde lah..it just aku alat2 tulis kat Times.. sketch book, pen colour2, pensil, paper colour2 n majalah intrend *sbb ade psl Korea.haha*..sebab ye la, i love sketch something and create something..sbb tu aku beli barang2 mcm tu..hehe..then beli brg2 make up yg mostly dah nak abes..tp mcm byk je kluakan duit..muahaha..biar lah..malas nak fikir..hehe..then today, great day, tp ade worst nye gak..my car, tiba2 buat hal..aircond jadi panas, n suhu engine naik mendadak..mau tak cuak aku..drive dah mcm org giler sbb nak cepat sampai ke rumah Siti..nak isi air bagi suhu turun..last2, penutup utk tempat isi air tu plak jatuh dlm engine..pulakkkk dahhh.. =.=" ape sal la keta marah sgt ngan aku..so sorryyyy la, keta ku sayang..sbb i terlepas ckp, "patut jual je keta nih..byk problem.."..skali ko betul2 bagi problem kat aku time aku nak happy2..adoii.. =.=" kan dah kena bising mak..kan dah gadoh ngan mak..aiyaaa..hehe..tp tuan2 puan2 sekalian..jgn risau..benda kecik je... :D

tq syg.! for the day..even the day was a tough one..dua2 last2 kena bebel mak..hahaha..

29th December 2011.. wii...i love this date too.! after a year..*a year maybe,tak pun setahun lebih.* hehe..i meet my love one, Didi..name dia Dila gak..but utk bezakan diri sendiri, people call her Didi , and me Diyla..so that, tak lah confused dgn diri sendiri..kalo aku panggil dia Dilla jugak, kang aku rse mcm aku panggil diri sendiri plak..hahaha..she comes to Kuching with her parents..stay kat hotel Samudra Court kat area Satok..and i miss her.! dok lepak dalam hotel je ngan dia..n talking with her daddy yg peramah and kelakar tu..hehe..and like usual, kteorg kalo jumpa sah2 jadi out of control..gelak tak hengat dunia..teeeheeee... too many story to share..dan dia, care too much about me, and she's afraid if i get hurt again..so dia nak make me the happiest girl sepanjang dia ada di Kuching ni.. :) i love you, Didi.! thanks for everything..! boh nangis2 ndah ktk baca appreciation letter kmk ya..hahaha.. :P tak dpt nak hang out lama sgt with her..sbb diorang nak urus something about Didi's house..Didi study uitm samarahan..dr situ aku kenal dia even tak same course, tak same bilik..tp boleh jadi rapat..biase lah, jodohhh.dah Allah nak kenalkan kteorg kan.. :D then lepas lepak with Didi, lepak ngan Sel plak..lagi sorg kipas-susah-mati aku.. xD dia teman aku lunch..then borak je lebih smpai tak sedar jam pukul 5 lebih..huhu..but then, it was a great day..and yes, best friends makes my life perfect.. :)

30th December 2011..another great day..i guess, the most.! :D klua with Didi..yeayy..! tengok wayang citer Sherlock Holmes and makan2..and story2..and gelak2 mcm dunia ini kteorg yg punya.. :D then dia kenalkan aku kat this one guy..the crazy guy.. =.=" bak kata Didi,"tak duak maka baruk 1st time temu, rupa bagey 10 tahun sik temu..nang bestttt"..hahaha..name dia, Awind..perangai, lebih kurang mcm my Abg Pjul..sbb tu boleh terus ngamm.. :D seriusly, this guy is crazy..we are in the same zodiac..which is Sagittarius..haha...me and Didi call him, the 'kaki penyelak'..sebab suka sgt sakat org..kalo korang lah kan, kalo 1st time jumpa seseorang mesti tak banyak ckp and watsoeva yg 'control' lah kan..muahaha..tp with him, 1st time jumpa ni, aku dah ketuk kepala dia..hahaha..! sape suroh bajet hensem sgt..cesss..ni dalam Facebook plak, mula dahhh carik pasal ngan aku..ooo Awind..tggu ktk aa..lak mun kta jumpa gik, kmk sik kan kalahhh..hahaha.. :P skali jumpa mak aku, tau pun diam..aku ingat dah tak tau makna diam..haha..serve u right, bebeh.! :P

love u, didi.! :) btw..gmba ni diambik hanya beberapa saat, sbb si Awind tgh klua merokok..hahaha..we can't take picture if he's around..for sure kena kacauu..~ :P

31st December 2011...pagi2 awal bangun..ade kenduri kawen. *lagi..stress aku asyik tengok org kawen..aku sendiri ntah bila lah :P*..anak kawan mak kawen..n mak mula la ckp yg anak2 kwn dia dah byk yg kawen, aku bila lagi..adoiii..huk3..then lepak kat rumah auntie, kat MJ..auntie ade masak2 cket..Laksa Penang..perghhh..mabeles.! aku suka kalo auntie aku ni masak..masakan dia confirm sedap.! yumss..~ hehe..then tengok Ombak Rindu together..aku nak feel tengok citer tu, tp i can't sebab byk sangat 'director' depan tv..huhu..sabo je la.. =.=" and then, my usu call. ajak g Damai..yebbbaaa..! sambut mlm new year kat Damai Beach..hehe..usu dpt bilik chalet, so best..sbb tepi pantai.. :D

1st January 2012..and Happy New Year.! i woke up in the morning with a big smileee..because receive a message from someone, yg aku tunggu2 utk dtg ke Kuching..wiihaa..hahaha..since i'm in a good mood, aku pakai baju yg sememangnya menunjukkan emosi aku which is dress..kali ke-2 aku pakai dress.. :) .breakfast with family..bayangkannnn..~ utk smbut new year, my family booked 5 buah bilik..perghh..tu baru setengah..kalo satu family agak2 mau satu Damai tu kteorg booked..buat family day skali..hihi..then, lunch, Sel culik aku tengah2 bandar time aku teman mak g bank jap..n mak, mcm tak biase..dia lepas je aku kena culik Sel..muaahhahaha..n Sel terkujat jugak lah, tengok aku pakai dress..tetiba je kan..haha..lunch kat Spring, makan yong tau fu, sebab bini aku (Sel) ni mengidammm..ngaa..i tak buat ape2..i tak salah..*paham2 sendiri* :P sambil makan2, sambil bercerita..kalo jumpa ngan dia ni kan, tak cukup kalau setakat sejam dua..kalo boleh nak sebulan dua.. =.=" then baru sedar yg lebih dari sejam duduk makan *ckp je banyak, makan kuranggg*..hihi..so, tak tau nak buat ape ag, tengok wayangggg..~ :D citer 23:59..tu bukan masa okay, tu tajuk citer..23:59..citer antu Singapore..best.! pertama kali dalam hidup aku tengok citer cina dlm panggung..hahaha..1st time tengok citer cina dlm panggung, wasn't bad..it's awesome actually..and Sel.? most of the time tutup mata je budak tu..aiyaaa..~ =.=" after movie, jalan2 cuci mata jap..teman Sel beli new shoes..cantek.. :)) terima kasih kepada saya sbb tunjuk shoes tu kat dia..hihi.. :D and bila hari dah gelapp, baru la reti nak balik rumah..nape la kalo klua ngan dia ni, mesti cepat je masa..aiyaa...takpe lah..insyaAllah umur panjang, jumpa lagi.. :))

2nd January 2012..bangun lewat cket..rase letihhh sangat2 sbb byk aktiviti seminggu yg lepas..and rase kurang sihat..then tengah duduk2 tengok tv, tiba2 plak ade keta yg aku kenal sangat2 berhenti depan rumah..tak lain tak bukan, Sel.. =.=" mmg sah kalo Sel ni lelaki, mmg mak aku dah suruh kawen ngan dia..mcm belangkass..hihihi.. :P dia saje datang, semata2 kaca mata hitamku tertinggal dlm keta dia..aiyaa..mcm la lain hari tak leh bagi..ni nakkk jugak dtg.. =.=" nasib baik tak culik aku..hehehe..tp kalo dia ajak klua pun, mmg aku tak larat..lemah gila..nak berdiri pun susah, apatah lagi duduk..bukak mata pun rse mcm dunia ni berpusing laju 360darjah..mak aii..dah la kena ambik 'dia' kat airport..maklum la org baru 1st time sampai Kuching, tp aku tak leh layan sgt sbb tak larat..just kuatkan diri, bawak dia g makan and hantar dia kat hotel..he's my friend, from KL..then aku balik..sampai je rumah, muntah2, baring atas katil, terus tak sedar diri.. =.="

3rd January 2012..bangun awalll gilaaa..hee..tengok phone mak aii.. banyak miss call n message..from him..tanye am i okay..n aku ckp balik rumah terus muntah n tertido tak bangun2..n dengan muka tak malu nya dia ckp, "i tak buat ape2 kat u mlm tadi..~~"..tunggu kau, aku ketok kepala kau lepas ni..dah lama tak ketuk2..hahaha... =.=" mak pun tak keja hari ni..then aku mandi2..siap awal2..nak g klinik dulu, nak check what happen..then dah check semua2..doctor give a pills..pills yg boleh buat aku tak terlalu stress n boleh control my hormon..huhu..mkn utk 2 weeks..then jumpa doctor lagi utk tengok progress..hopefully lah tak de ape2..aku tak nak sakit..belom kawen lagi nihhh..muahahahaha.. :P then ambik dia kat hotel..lunch together with my mom..ohh..sweet.! hahaha.. =.=" *ingga mode*..then mak pegi beli barang2 dapur, n kteorg ekot skali...so, you, beware...~ my mom shopping lama..haha..tp sebenarnya, dia shopping pun, mengalahkan mak aku..aiyaaa.. =.=" then pegi jalan2 cuci mata jap..bwk dia jalan2 sekitar Kuching.then makan malam..then anta dia kat hotel balik..then balik.. :) n now dah masuk 4th January..dah nak pukul 3 am, tp aku still tak tido..syok sgt bebel ngan my sister dlm facebook..hehe..but i nak tido awal..esok bangun awal, siap2, and hantar mak keja..and ambik dia kat hotel lagi..and will be our day..! for the whole day.. :) tengok wayang, maybe, sbb wayang hari rabu murah..hehe..and bawak dia makan mknn sarawak..hey you..i akan buat hari2 you di Kuching lebih bermakna..even Kuching lepas banjir..hihihi..

thats all..nak tido..toddles.! :)

p/s : when we are happy we are always good, but when we are good we are not always happy..dalam hati aku, biar Allah S.W.T sahaja yang tahu.. :) salam..

little Kimi.!

nama sebenar, Tom..nama penoh, Tom John..ade kwn aku panggil dia, Tom Cruise..aku bermain dgn dia, smbil sebut Tom Tom Bak..aku sndri bagi gelaran, Kimi kat dia sbb aku rse word Kimi tu comel..nak panggil Garfield tak sesuai sbb Garfield lagi besauuu dan berwarna orange..ngehehehe..he's sooo cute..! geramm..! mata bulat, badan gebu..~ grrr...rse macam nak gigit je..huk3..

little Kimi.! :D

umur dia dah setahun..kalo manusia, still baby..tp oleh krana dia kucing, so dia dah dewasa, dah boleh kawen..hehehe..sejenis kucing Parsi, slalu nye kucing Parsi pemalas.tp dia ni hyper cket..dah ade girlfriend..slalu lepak luar rumah p usha kucing2 lain..paling best, kalo dgr bunyi ujan, laju je lari klua rumah, main ujan..haaa...seumur idup aku, ini yg pertama..lalala..*menyanyi*..1st time aku tgk kucing tak takut air..kalo kucing lain, kena simbah je dah b'tempiaran belari..tp Kimi tak..dia sukaaa sgt air..pastu masuk rumah dgn bulu yg basah, buat org bebel je.. =.=" bulu teball..kalo dia duduk atas lantai, mcm carpet..aku gelar dia, moving carpet..muahahha..kalo duduk, tak senonoh..kaki terkangkang..aiyyaaa..nsb baik kucing jantan..kalo betina, aku mmg ajar kau duduk sopan..haha..
suka sgt bergurau..that makes me laugh smpai nak rak..hihihi..Kimi agak mata duitan..kalo aku keluarkan purse, dia mesti sebok gak..bagi duit syiling cukup la..hahaha...tu pun dia main kejar2 dgn syiling...ek.? syiling mane ade kaki..hahaha..dia akan tolak syiling, pastu kejar balik..kalo syiling mask celah2 carpet, dgn comel nya dia masok kan kaki dia celah2 carpet semata2 nak ambik syiling..kalo tak dpt ambik, dia akan dok tepi karpet buat muka bajet kiut n tggu sapa2 tlg ambik kan syiling tu..ahahaha..yg paling dia suka, main wheelchair..dia duduk atas wheelchair tu, n kteorg kazen2 akan tolak dia..hahaha..comel.! dia suka..
i love to hug him..gebu giler..lepas tu diri sendiri susah nak buang kan bulu2 dia yg melekat kat baju..wuwuwu..bulu dia skrang kuat gugur lah..tp still gebu..bukan mcm manusia..kalo rmbut gugur, kepala terus mcm takde rambut..haha..adoii..

i'm sexy and i know it..~ xD

he catch my purse..hahaha..! lompat punya tggi sbb nak ambik purse aku.. =.="

see...actually dia tgh try nak ambik syiling bawah tikar tu..hahaha..tp last2 dia malas, dia buat muka comel mengharapkan someone blh tlg ambik kan utk dia..hehehe.. =.="

target target..sapa2 yg berani pegang syiling dia nih, so samada korang akan kena gigit atau kena cakar..hahaha..

this cat, not only belong to me..actually, dia kucing my Pak Ngah..but since aku slalu lepak2 kat umah diorang, jd Kimi pun terbiasa main ngan aku..n Pak Ngah ckp, ni pun kucing aku jugak..hehe.. :) hari tu nak bwk balik rumah, tp mak tak srh..tkt hilang kena culik budak2 jiran..ngee..so, Kimi stay at my Pak Ngah's house..anytime aku rse nak main, aku p la rumah Pak Ngah.. :)

p/s : nak busykan diri sendiri dgn mengisi masa lapang, instead of duduk termenung dan emosi pun jadi unbalance..aku pun tak nak fikir benda2 lain yg menyakitkan hati..so, nowadays, most of time aku spend with my family..and also with my friends..and tak boleh lupa, tv..haha.. :)

my day :)

sorry for the late.! busy jadi bibik 2 3 hari ni..hehehe...nak update hari ahad lepas, tapi kalau dah balik rumah pun pukul 11 malam, jgn harap aku nak bukak laptop..dah la tired gila babss..~ =.="

last Saturday..for those who know lah, is my day..alaa..my day..bukan majlis pertunangan or majlis nikah aku..rilek bai..i muda lagi..10 tahun akan dtg baru la i nikah..bahahha :P..last Saturday is my birthday..and Aimi's birthday.. :D I am 22 years olddd... oh my..~ getting old.. =.=" mak asyik bebel, "dulu time mak umo 22, mak dah nikah..dah almost nak dpt baby, which is awak.." =.=" stress gila bila mak mula ckp pasal kahwin2 nih...ingat aku ni dah umo 32 ke hape.. =.=" dahhhh..forget about that..

anyway, Happy Birthday to my self and Happy 18th Birthday to Aimi.. :D she's my cousin, also my best friend..kepala ngam habes..buat jahat pun same2..hihihi..so, time Saturday lepas, we celebrate it kat Damai Beach Resort.. :D since dia ade modul (one of uitm activity), and dia habes modul pukul 6, so me, Ashraf & Qaedi meredah hutan2 dan bandar2 dari Damai ke Uitm Samarahan..perghh..sakit gak punggung aku drive lama2 mcm tu..dah la tengah period pain..sobsss.. T.T then, time way balik ke Damai, we did something..hahaha..biaselah saye kan, umo dah 22 perangai mcm belasan tahun..awet muda..hehehe.. :P ade pakwe2 hensem, ape ag, aku and Aimi confirm "feeewiitt2.."..haaa...ko ingat lelaki je boleh usha perempuan..perempuan pun boleh usha laki tauuu..hahaha..since aku dah lama single, and Aimi baru je single, so line clear..satu perasaan yg teruja hadir dlm diri bila buat perangai mcm tu..bahaha..*okay.ignore..* =.="

i'm 22.. :)

she's 18.. :P

the was so nice and adorable and awesome.! thanks, mak, for the cake.. :) kalau korang perasan, jumlah lilin tu adalah utk umur 40 tahun..ade 4 lilin besar..hahahaha...sebab mak ckp, 22 tambah 18, jadi 40..so tu jumlah umur kteorg..hehehe..pandai nye, mak.! :D thanks, again, mak..!!

then next morning, jalan2 cuci mata tepi pantai and main kat taman kanak2 with my lovely cousins.! aww.! iloveyouguys.! :D..also pegi ke kampung halaman mak no 2, Kampung Buntal (kampung no 1 adalah kpg panglima seman ulu) :) lama dah tak jalan2 kat situ, so cuci2 mata kat situ gak..byk perubahan..tp makanan2 laut sah2 banyak gilss..cuma tak dapat nak mkn seafood je..huk3.. here comes the picture.. :)

aku mcm mamarazzi plak..haha..they both mcm couple dari jauh..hihi.. :P

jyeah...i love you all.. :))

this little boy is soooo cute.! berlari comel gilaaa..waaa..rse mcm nak je pelok..tetiba rindu kat my nephew, Awish..huk3..

i'm chubby and i know it.. =.="

spiderwoman..? hahahaha

kanak2 ribena...muahahaha..

welcome to our house.. :)

ada Hospital Normah kat kpg.buntal laaa...hahaahah..*sape org kuching mesti tau Hospital Normah...hehe*

mommy, auntie and cuzzies... :)

the Hassan's+Jalaiha's grandchildren.. :) Al-Fatihah to Atok and Nenek..we miss both of you so much..

my mom, the one and only... :)

dah berbulan2 mak plan celebrate my birthday kat Damai..even semasa aku praktikal lagi dia dah plan..also nak buy a cake, cheese cake yg aku suka..so because of that, dia save some money, just for my birthday..not for else..thank you so much, mak..mak dah sacrifice too many things for me...gamsahabnida, omma.! saranghaeyo..! :D

a great weekend..with cuzzies.! sepupu semua sama kepala..and aku plak terasa muda bila ngan diorang..hahaha...satu je, i just can't believe, yg aku dah berumur 22..huhu.. :)

pa gik nak dipadah ow.? pandey lost ndah aku..haha..kepak juak ku klaka lepeh jak2..klaka sarawak gik..hihihi..k lah..nak chow chin chow..jadi bibik balit.. :P toddles.!

my boy birthday.! love! :D

constantly, boy you played trough my mind like a symphony..there's no way to describe what you do to me..you just do to me, what you do..and it feels like i've been rescued..i've been set free..i am hypnotized by your destiny..you are magical, lyrical, beautiful..you are...~ and i want you to know baby..

i, i love you like a love song baby..~

i, i love you like a love song baby..~

i, i love you like a love song baby..~

and i keep hitting repeat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat...ooo..~

no one compares you stand alone..to every record i own..music to my heart that's what you are..a song that goes on and on..~~

i, i love you like a love song baby..~

i, i love you like a love song baby..~

i, i love you like a love song baby..~

and i keep hitting repeat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat..ooo...~

.....*lalalalla...nyanyi suara ala2 Selena Gomez...teeheee... :D *

today, 5th December 2011..setahun sudah umur..hehehe..yup.! my boyfie.!.Happy 1st Birthday to Areef Darwish..!! my cute and lovely and adorable nephew..! setahun dah umo dia..but still, belom pandai berjalan..still merangkak and try to berdiri sendiri..so cute..!! :D 

mcm cepat lak masa berlalu..mcm baru semalam Kak Mila nikah..which is on February 2010..then pregnant, bunting pelamin.. :) then 5th December 2010, lahir lah seorang bayi..my nephew..how i am so glad to have him in my life..my light..my sweetheart..he will always be my boy.! :D and now dah 5th December 2011..dah setahun umur dia..agak nakal, contoh suka naik tangga lah, naik kerusi lah, segala benda dia nak naik..org makan, dia nak mkn jugak..tp good boy jugak sebab jarang buat perangai..jarang nangis...nangis time dia lapar n nak susu je..paling best kalau dia ngantok, sanggup tahan mata kepala jatuh2..eiii.! geram aku..hahaha..aku suka sangat cium dia kuat2 pastu mesti dia geram, mcm nak jadi hulk pun ade..hihi..comey ape..last2 aku gak yg dia gigit, yg dia cakar..pipi aku pernah jadi mangsa habuan dia..kuku tak lah panjang, tp sekali dia cubit, mak datok, leleh gak air mata...huk3..

Awish.! auntie love you so much.! may Allah s.w.t bless you, and dipanjangkan umur..jadi anak yg baik okay..jadi harapan mama n papa..and jadi anak buah harapan kepada auntie gak..hihi..auntie nak Awish jd flower boy auntie nnti, time auntie kawen..promise me keh, syg..iloveyou.! no word can describe my love towards you, baby..thanks Allah, sbb bagi dia dlm family kami.. :')

mesti mula2 korang ingat real boyfriend..baahhaha..tolonggg laa..takde masa nak ber-boyfriend dulu..huhu.. =.=" ni bukan setakat boyfriend, tp teman sehidup semati.. confirm.! memang tak kan pegi dari hidup aku..hanya Allah yg dpt pisahkan kteorg.. :') once again, Auntie love you so much, Awish.! be my boy forever.! :'D

p/s : happy 22nd birthday to Ana (my ex-classmate)..may Allah bless you and have a great year ahead.. :)

BEST of GIRLFRIENDS :)

Twilight Saga : Breaking Dawn Part 1.. :)

on theater 24th of November 2011, kat Malaysia..delay berminggu2 dari US punya tayangan perdana..haha.. =.=" it's okay..janji dapat tengok suda.. :)
ermm..i was promise with someone, nak tengok citer ni sama2..dulu kteorg sama2 tengok Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse..even tak tengok kat wayang pun, just tengok kat laptop after download, tp last 3 sequel, kteorg tengok sama2..just us two..then, lepas tengok Eclipse, we promise, nak tengok Breaking Dawn sama2, kat wayang..tp dah takde jodoh...bukan setakat tak kan tengok Breaking Dawn sama2, even kteorg tak kan berjumpa lagi sampai bila2..sigh..enough with memories, dilla.! =.="
okay2..back to reality.. :) last 2 days, hari Rabu, bangun pagi awal2..gila excited..even the day before Rabu tu, aku dah prepare nak pakai baju ape..hahaha..nak klua date, biase lah..i miss my bestfriends.! :) i was too happy at that morning..hantar mak pegi keja..then ambik Sel..dlm keta dah bebel2 dgn Sel..haha..then balik umah sendiri kejap, mandi2, breakfast, siap2 make up semua2 lah..then around 12 noon, kteorg gerak g ambik Siti plak..i was so happy sebab dpt tengok Breaking Dawn with them.. :))
that story was awesome..so sweet bila Bella & Edward getting married..Bella with her beautiful dress..Edward looks charming with his suit..and a beautiful altar..just like a fantasy kan..huhu..and jadi lebih sweet bila both of them on honeymoon, with their first night together sampai patah katil...hahaha..ganas..~ =.=" baru 2 weeks kawen, Bella dah pregnant..perghh..that baby, human+vampire..and membesar sgt cepat dlm perut Bella..since that baby is so strong, dia sedut segala zat2 Bella, and Bella become so thin, pale and one by one her bone break..sbb ye la, Bella still as a human, anak pulak vampire, so her body tak dapat carry the baby sangat..most of time just duduk or baring..kesian sgt2..huhu..and that time, boleh nampak how protective Jacob and how lovely Edward..others werewolf bangkang Bella continue with her pregnancy..Bella tak nak gugur kan her baby even baby tu buat dia sakit..ye la, mak mana tak sayang anak kan..huhu..tp the werewolfs tak suka ngan anak yg bakal lahir tu, sbb bagi diorang, anak tu akan jadi sgt kuat and boleh menjejaskan diorang..and difference with Jacob, yg protect Bella dari diganggu others werewolf..Jacob handsome dowww..!! tak tahu nape, tp this time, aku tengok dia sangattt handsome..charming sangat2..waaa..~~ =.=" 2 months later, then bila come to the moment Bella nak beranak (bygkan lah, baru 2 months pregnant dan dah beranak, baby perfect pulak tu), Bella can't carry it lagi dah, she's die..*and time tu aku ckp dlm hati, rilek lu..heroin tak kan mati..haha*..and Bella+Edward's baby sangat2 cute..the baby is a girl..cute.! mcm aku..haha.! *sila muntah*..heee...and Jacob look at the baby's eye..and ade connection, mcm tarikan magnet between them..as i know lah kan, nnti Jacob in love kat anak Bella tu..so, tunggu lah part 2 punye Breaking Dawn..and oleh kerana aku ade buku tu, aku nak baca lah..hee..oh, Bella, yup, she's not dead..u know what.? dia dah jadi vampire jugak..muahahaha...dah jadi cantik and immortal..sbb ya, i know, Edward gigit dia time dia nyawa2 ikan nak beranak tu..Edward ingat Bella dah tak dpt diselamatkan..but then, Bella tiba2 bukak mata balik..then, to be continue on the next part..heee.. :))
while watching kan, kteorg tiga2 nak ckp fokus, tak la sangat..tp happy semacam asyik gelak je padahal citer serius..hahaha...aku n Sel almost all the time gelak, and fikir, how nak control Siti yg diawang-awangan tengok ke-sweet-ness Bella+Edward..hahaha...dulu time tengok twilight sequel dlm wayang, lepas tu mesti aku emo semacam..jiwa kacau..and messy..but this time, aku okay je..siap menari2 dlm cinema..ngeee... =.="

ya Allah perut aku..mengalahkan perut Bella time pregnant.. T.T tp memang aku kuat mkn sekarang..susah bila cuti berbulan2 dok umah je..ni lah jadi.. =.="

still, ya Allah perut aku...~~ =.=" i have to diet.!

anyway, thank you so much both of them..to make me the happiest girl in the world on that day..i love you both so much.! next time klua lagi keh..next movie please.! :))

and malam tadi..maybe sebab terlalu banyak gelak time siang, bila malam, menangis nak rak..sakit mata aku..huhu..sent text to Didi by saying how i wish she's here by my side..dulu, when i was in uitm samarahan, dia always ade for me, if i'm crying or in trouble..dia akan jadi pendengar, and then akan try to calm me down..and how i miss that moment..now, dia dah balik miri..and i'm in kuching..and kalau boleh, tak nak bagi dia balik miri, nak suruh dia stay kat kuching je..hukhuk.tp dia pun ade family..i can't be selfish..and last night i cry, so hard...next morning susah nak bangun kepala berat giler babss.. =.=" that night, Didi call me..as usual...dia akan tanya, what happened to me..why to sudden..aku sendiri pun tak tau nak explain what happened..coz i, myself, don't know what happened actually..sigh...to be truth, actually, i cried almost every single night..people might think i'm happy now, aku dah move on and forget everything, nothing bothering me no more..but it's wrong..i'm haunted by my past..memori2 lama yg aku tak suka and aku tak nak ingat lagi, semua haunting me back..they come in my dreams, almost every single night..and it's hurt me..sometimes even just take a nap pun, boleh dtg dlm mimpi..pdhl tido kejap je pun..and that makes me scared to sleep..and last night, Didi call and dengar lah dia babbling2...huhu..i miss her, so much..she understand me the most and always give a good talk..and she explain why aku jd mcm ni..why those memories dtg dlm mimpi aku...aku maybe tak nak ingat psl semua tu balik, tp part of me, still stuck with those memories..maybe sebab aku terlalu paksa diri aku to forget all those things..maybe betul gak apa yg Didi ckp..huhu..and we talk for almost 3 hours..sakit telinga..nasib baik call free..hee.. :') anyway, i miss you, Didi..lamak dah kita sik klaka gya oh..mun dilayan gik memang smpey minggu depan sik abis crita ta duak..huhu..glad to hear about you and 'him'..time tak duak break dolok, nang terok rupa, *just like me now, yg sikda perubahan padahal dah nak setahun*..then, u and 'him' sik bercontact then u couple with Man..seriously,Di, mek sik suka ktk ngan Man..kmk lebih suka ktk ngan 'him'..thank Allah, u and Man breakup..mun sik, huhhh..!! =.=" and now, suddenly u and 'him' jadi bestfriend oh..first time mek dengar ex boleh jadi bestfriend..hahaha..even tak duak pdh tak duak just kawan jak pun, mesti org sik cayak..mesti org ingat tak duak dah return..hehe..'him' dah ada gerek, but 'him' sik pernah nak hurt u mok klaka2 pasal gerek nya oh..i respect you, Di, and i respect 'him'..and i pray that ktk ngan 'him' can be together back..because only with 'him' jak mek nangga ktk memang bena2 jadi happy..tp mek sikda lah doakan 'him' ngan gerek nya break..just, insyaAllah mun ada jodoh tak duak oh..mek mok jadi bridesmaid ktk.! hahaha.. :D
and Ubey..i know u gonna read this..bak kata ko kan, even kta sikda lah tiap2 hari mesej, tp ko boleh paham aku..even kta sik pernah jumpa, tp ko boleh rasa apa aku rasa..tengah2 aku rasa down, mesti ko muncul..sik kira lah, ko mesej ka or ko post kat wall aku..mcm sixth sense jak..u r a good listener to me..thank you for everything sayang..i appreciate u so much..bestfriend till death.. :')

P/S : Moving on is never simple..But at least, it is not impossible.. :) and me, sometimes maybe i feel so alone and so down, but i know, my bestfriends always be there for me..they are my precious and my guardian angel..may Allah bless them.. :')

my sacrifice..

it has been a few days..rasa pressure sangat2..sigh..
i have to sacrifice a lots of things..sacrifice my time..and now, my money..aku terpaksa simpan angan2 aku nak dapat blackberry sebagai hadiah harijadi + hadiah graduation..sebab mak sendiri perlu duit sekarang..tak nak mintak ape2 kat mak, eventough aku tak pernah nak mintak barang2 mahal pun dr dia..even tough mak pernah suruh aku pilih nak blackberry or galaxy tab as a gift..and sekarang aku harus bgtau kat mak, tak nak lah gift tu..mak lagi perlu duit..takpe, mak..nnti dila dah habis study dah keja, dila beli sendiri okay.. :') nak bayar hutang kat Sel gak..i owe her some amount of money jugak..tp tak banyak..even dia cakap jangan bayar dulu, but still, aku nak bayar gak..kte mane tau ajal maut bila kan..so kena langsai kan hutang, kalau tak, tak leh lepas ke alam yg satu tu.. :) ngan ayah pun ade hutang..sigh..hutang sebab nak beli hadiah harijadi utk mak ari tu..even mak bebel sebab beli hadiah yg agak expensive, tapi at least i don't regret about it..even aku akan tersenyum lebar bila dpt beli something yg valuable utk mak..for her, i don't care..aku tak berkira,even aku rasa lebih puas belanja mahal2 utk mak..now nak fikir, nak bayar kat Min..dia dah tolong ambik barang2 aku kat umah sewa..nak bayar dia utk minyak kereta, tol, and segala usaha dia..appreciate sgt2 and ingat nak bagi duit awal bulan hari tu, tp sumpah demi Allah aku sengkek sangat2..this week nak bayar kat Najla gak sbb dia dah tolong ambik transkrip, bayar transkrip and charge utk post kan transkrip ke Kuching..not really mahal, tak sampai rm50..maybe rm20+..not a big deal..yg ade sekarang pun cukup utk bayar Najla..

sigh..i owe too much to them, with my friends..Sel, Mint, Najla, Siti Saba...Siti slalu blanja aku makan ABC..aku rasa serba salah and awkward..since before balik Kuching dah janji nak g makan kat Sushi King ngan dia, tp till now tak kesampaian..slalu sgt mintak duit mak..mak sndri pun nak guna duit..takpe lah, Siti..insyaAllah nnti k..cuti panjang kan.. :)

and this, i don't know how to explain..i guess, tak payah lah..simpan utk sendiri..even sakit, telan je.. :') nak nangis, nangis je lah puas2 smpai klua air mata darah..rasa burden sgt2 dlm dada & otak..i'm afraid with what future brings me to..i'm afraid of losing my own mind..i'm afraid of everything..everynight always having a great nightmare, smpai aku takut nak tido..and those hurt me..my past, they all come back, haunting me..Ya Allah..jauhkan semua tu dari aku..tolong lah..
no..no..no..!! enough.! i have to be strong..i need to be more stronger..aku tak boleh biarkan semua tu kacau hidup aku..i will try to make my self busy, even more busier..i'll try to be happy, even more happier..i won't let them disturb me again..yes..! i am strong, bold and happy..i will try to find my own ability to overcome each obstacle..yes, i am..even my auntie, didn't believe that i am happy now..auntie, i AM happy now, REALLY HAPPY..trust me..thanks for ur kindness and care a lots about me, auntie..dah anggap macam mak sendiri..i love you so much..and HARUS tunjuk kat ayah yg i can be a success person, without him in my life.. :')

p/s : I am currently making some changes in my life.. So, if you don't hear from me anymore then you're probably one of them.. :)

got sick..and passion..

maybe i look okay..but then.? only Allah knows the truth.. :')

i'm tired with this..people, they make promises with me..they give me hope..last2, janji entah kemana..hope terbiar mcm tu je..pastu bila dah susah, bila dah ada masalah, bila takde org with them, baru nak cari aku..baru nak terasak2 ngan aku..ingat aku ni patung barbie doll ke ape, nak happy kan diorang time diorang perlu je..bila tak perlu, dibiar berhabuk mcm tu je..kalau muka aku mcm barbie doll cantik kiut miut alololo sweet comel takpe la jugak..ni aku dilayan mcm patung..serious aku tired..and now i'm ready to hurt people back..no matter who..no matter what..once u hurt me, i will hurt u back, even lagi teruk aku akan buat..malas nak jadi baik.malas nak jadi tunggul..i have my own right..get it.? :)
anyway, last 2 week, dah jumpa doktor..bagi ubat..and ubat dah abesss...huk3..bekalan utk 2 mggu sahaja..and doktor dah inject something into me, i don't know what it is, but it change my hormone a bit.. =.="  and reduce my pain, a bit jugak..pastu 2 3 hari later, sakit balik..ommmooo..! benci.. =.=" this week, such a mess..sometimes i cry too much smpai bengkak gila baby mata..and Selasa, aku dudok sorang2 kat restaurant Rasa-Rasa, which is sebelah office mak..sementara tggu mak balik kerja, aku dok situ and minum..actually, kena tinggal sorang2 kat situ..and i cried..peduli ape org tengok..tp serious, hati sakit..bila dah plan cantik2 ngan sorang kawan ni, last2 boyfriend dia call suruh jumpa dia time tu gak..and mood aku hilang sbb time tu kteorg mmg tgh having fun, talking2 and babbling..alih2 boy dia buat perangai..*%@&#.! =.=" then aku ditinggal sorang2 kat restaurant not far from mom's office..tunggu mak balik keje punya lah lama..pheww..sakit atii..bukan sakit ati kat my friend, tp sakit ati kat dia punya boy..ptuih..then next day, same thing..aku punya sekang mata, dah la tak cukup tido..alih2 tak jadi jumpa gak..aku marah gila..marah smpai menangis..menangis bukan bermaksud sedih, tp sbb terlalu marah..aku baling handphone sony aku, smpai terburai and bateri tak jumpa2 maybe sbb terlalu kuat baling..huk3..2 hari baru jumpa balik bateri.. =.=" then i'm crying while driving and, someone, a guy, kat keta sebelah time berenti kat traffic light, tengok aku semacam..maybe he's thinking, why i'm crying while driving..marah..sangat2 marah..aku ditinggal sorang2..aku tak tahu nak harap kat siapa lagi dah..then, on the same day time aku marah and frust and rasa stress sangat2, Mint sent me a message..she tell about something, and i try and try and try to letak my problems ketepi and try to be a good listener to her, eventough aku sendiri serabut..i know she needs someone to talk to, and i try my best to be her someone.. because i love my best friend, so much..without them, i am nothing..maybe aku tak dpt nak tolong, but at least, i can lend my ears utk diorang luah kan masalah..maybe aku tak dpt nak bagi the best advice for them, but at least, diorang akan feel relieved lepas luahkan masalah diorang..maybe i can't be the best, but at least, i am trying my best..maybe kadang2 akan ada salah faham and dingin sekejap, but sooner or later, we will hang out together lagi because to be honest, tak boleh nak dingin lama2..cause they already become part of my life, and my life means nothing without them.. :')

okay..letih dah emo2.. =.=" anyway, nak share what is my passion, selain daripada Big Bang, 2NE1 and Dae Sung.. :) for people BB means BlackBerry, but for me BB means Big Bang (ilovethemsomuch.!) or Broadband Bangang (ihatethissomuch.! =.=").. oh well, hari tu tengok MTV EMA 2001 Belfast kat MTV channel..salah satu event yg WAJIB aku tengok (bukan live okayy)..it is because Big Bang is one of the nominee of Best World Wide Act..perghh...tengok la name utk kategori tu..macam kelas kauu mariaa je kan..hahaa..and Big Bang represent Asia Pacific, so the whole country of Asia berharap dan berharap diorang akan ngapp award tu, terutamanya aku, yg excited gila2 sbb Dae Sung is back after a few month.! ngaaa... :D dia involved dengan accident, bulan June kalau tak silap..then berehat for a few month..time Big Bang buat show utk Korean Music Wave 2011 kat KL haritu pun DaeSung takde..nasib baek dia takde..so tak la aku meroyan sangat kan nak pegi tengok..heeee...okay, back to the track..pasal that event..good news.! Big Bang got the award..yebbbbaaaa..!! mengalahkan Britney Spears tauu..chukaeyo, Big Bang.! (means "congratulations, Big Bang.!) :DD

good to see you back Dae Sung..i miss you.! do you miss me too.? *hahahaha*..perasan woh.! =.=" congrats to them again.! wish them best of luck..and oh, lupa, happy 5th anniversary to Big Bang.! please stay stick together, forever.. :)

done with passion with Korean things.. wish i addict the most..teeeheeee.. :)
last Thursday, ade interview..kat Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri (LHDN)..harap2 dpt keja kat situ, keja pembantu tadbir sambilan..sementara tunggu nak masuk degree..bosan dok umah cuti panjang, so nak keja..harap2 dpt lah keja tu..huk3.. :)
driving...i love driving, so much.! especially time stress.. :) my target, ade kereta sendiri sebelum mencecah umur 25..nak kereta Satria-Neo..i love it so much.! i love the shape, the design, the appearances..misi pertama bila dah ada kereta sendiri, nak tukar speaker and adjust sound system dlm kereta..nak bagi bunyi ''setap setup setap setup'' cket..haha..so bila main lagu2 club, dance or techno, the sound akan jadi awesome jyeahhh.! :D kereta sekarang pun aku slalu buat mcm tu, bukak kuat2..tp tak leh kuat sgt kang rosak speaker..coz tu speaker biase2 je..ngee..kang marah plak mak kan..hahaha..dah adjust sound system, nak kasi lowert plak..tp tak nak la lowert sgt kang kalo ramai2 dok lam kereta, tak bergerak plak kan..hahaha..then nak tukar rim..perghh..tinted kena gelap cket..and tambah mana2 accessories yg berkenaan..and dah siap modify, boleh bwk racing gak.. :D i love driving fast..jgn bagitau mak, shhhh...actually, dr rumah nak pegi office mak, ambik masa around setengah jam..tp aku drive, 15 minit je leh sampai..bahahha...tp bila ade mak kat sebelah, driving kena lah sopan santun cket..cket je lah..tp most of the time, mak mmg tak berani kalo aku drive and dia dok sebelah..dia takut, dia ckp aku drive dah mcm org KL drive..ngeee... sorry mak.. :D i love sports car..i love racing..i love everything about car and their accessories..i am seriously loved it.! and aku harap one day nnti, aku akan dpt kereta yg aku idamkan.. :D

anyway, aku rase mcm ade terlupa something..something yg aku tak pernah lupa..and till now, i don't know what it is..urghh..! benci bila try nak ingat tp tak dpt..waaaa...! =.="
whatever it is, nak wish Happy 46th Birthday to my Mom.! which is on 3rd November.  :D i love you so much, Mom.! wish you all the best, may Allah bless you and have a great year ahead.! :))

she's 46 but still gorgeous.! :D lots of love to her.!

 -the end-

toddles.!