hope..

first of all, assalamualaikumwarahmatullahhiwabarakatuh...
this entry was made at my auntie's house since i was depressed and feel a bit angry. And i crushed over my auntie's house because only her, the one and only of my auntie, that understand me well..thanks you so much, Mak Yak..i love you.. :')

most of my entry dah di delete..bak kata Mimah, bukan bersih 2.0, tapi bersih 2012..jyeahh.. :) from about 200++ post, tinggal jd 40++ post..dah dibersihkan..all post dr tahun 2009 till half of 2011, dah di buang..especially tahun 2009 & 2010..because takde sebab dah aku nak simpan, and semua gmba2 aku tak bertudung..bila baca balik pun ade sesetengah buat sakit hati, make me so annoy and mcm bodoh, padahal aku sendiri yg buat..maybe time tu tgh tak sedar diri lagi kot, and masih kebudak-budak kan.. :) lagipun, aku tak nak org tahu dah kisah2 lampau aku..i know, maybe ade yg suka korek2 crita aku, yg dengki n carik keburukan aku..and who knows, maybe my exes yg dulu2 ade baca..takpun my exes girl's baca, or exes of my exes..and whatever exes lahhh..tak kira lah ex-boyfriends ke, ex-friends ke, enemies ke..wallahualam lah kan..sbb aku tau, ade yg baca..dlm blog aku ade traffic, bukan traffic light, bukan traffic jam, or traffic police..yg ni blog traffic, which is akan appear sape yg baca post2 aku even yg 2 3 tahun yg lepas, cuma tak tahu who they are je.. so drpd aku biar post tu, baik delete..maybe ade jugak yg tak baca, so drpd jd sarang labah2 byk dlm post2 tu, buang je la kan.. :) Dear haters or who-ever-u-are, DON'T HATE ME UNTIL I GIVE YOU A REASON TO, AND DON'T JUDGE ME UNTIL YOU KNOW THE WHOLE STORY..TQ :)

HOPE.? sometimes i hate that word..sometimes, that word give me the most amazing feeling..but most of the time, that word breaks my heart.. :') and that word can make u feel like someone punch on ur chest and give the worst wound..it just like mcm, ur boyfriend say to u..eh.! no,no..ur boyfriend say to ur friends or ur bestfriends, or ur adik angkat or ur abg kakak angkat or ur brother sister and whoever person yg rapat with u.."i takkan lepaskan dia smpai bila2..i syg dia sgt2..Tuhan je yg boleh pisahkan kteorg..i takkan dua kan dia, i akan buat dia happy smpai akhir hayat..tak kira apa yg jadi, i mmg tak kan lepaskan dia..i nak nikah dgn dia one day nnti..and we will have a bunch of babies..our life will be more better..i syg dia lebih dr nyawa i sendiri.."...but then, few months later, u notify that he changes..dah tak mcm dulu..last2, kantoi ade perempuan lain..so, ape yg korg akan rase.? rse mcm dunia jd gelap kan.? after all the words siap ade name Tuhan lagi, and u trust them 100%..at last, tu yg dia bagi..'hadiah' paling bestttt skali..lelaki, biase lah kan..sorry to those yg terasa..sape makan garam, dia lah terasa masin..tp tak semua lelaki mcm tu..aku percaya, ade lelaki yg pegang kata2 dia..tp most of them, mcm ....................... :)
okay..tu slh satu example..another one is..emm..ape ekkk..aaa...ur parents, they divorce dah..and ur mom dpt hak penjagaan u..and okayy..dr kecik u wait for ur daddy to come back, u wish ur daddy ade kat sebelah u and membesar kan u just like others father..tp u bersyukur jugak ur dad ade dtg biarpun hanya twice in a year..and 1 day, some hope, bila ur daddy ckp,"ayah akan dtg time raya nnti..tggu k..kta smbut raya sma2"..but then, smpai la ke mlm raya, u tggu a call from ur daddy, sekurang2 nya, a text..u pegang fon tak lepas2..tp not even once pun dia text or call..and u cry dkt tepi jln sbb u really really really hope dia dtg..then tiba2 ur mom duduk tepi u ckp yg ur daddy ade call dia..daddy ckp, dia tak dpt dtg..sorry..what a simple word to say, just "Sorry"..and u nangis smpai bengkak mata..next day, hari raya..org lain happy, but u dgn mata yg bengkak n menahan sebal dlm hati..n ur mum and ur granny pujuk..smpai la u happy..and then, bila dah smpai satu peringkat in ur age, maybe around 16 or 17, u r a teenager, u realize, ur dad tak perlu u lagi..and berhenti berharap with everything about him..dlm hati maybe sgt2 sakit n sedih, watch ur cousins or ur friends have a complete family, ada ayah mak, siblings..tp demi ur own mak, u have to be strong..and u realize, it is fate..dah takdir Tuhan menentukan setiap kehidupan manusia..and how proud u are having a great mom, a mom yg sgt2 tabah dan kuat dlm facing every single obstacle, and how she struggling as hard as she can to raise u up, without anyone help..so people, syurga memang dibawah telapak kaki ibu.. :') bukan bwh telapak kaki  ur boyfriend or ur girlfriend..lain la for girls yg dah kahwin, ur husband is ur first priority..
p/s : no matter who u are and where u are, once u hurt my mom, smpai menyembah tanah aku jatuhkan kau..kalau aku sakit takpe, tp kalau kau sakitkan mak aku, phm2 lah..maybe aku tak dpt balas, tapi Allah S.W.T Maha Berkuasa.. :)

from now on, aku dah malas berharap..berharap dgn manusia lah..kalau berharap dgn Allah mintak tenangkan hati, mintak kesejahteraan hidup, insyaAllah Dia bagi..tp dgn manusia ni, aii..payah aku nak ckp..love.? love suck..ptuiih.! bak kat lagu omputih, "play with my heart, we got issue.."..yahh..lemas dah aku tok bah heh..lemasss..mun begerek tek kata2 dipegang x juak apa..tok kata2 umpama nya berak, taik nya di flush alu x nmpk2..yahh..bebual dah rasa nyawa ku tok..bebuallll.. =.="

got to go..bagus ku makan durian jak..toddles.!